The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
