It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
