In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
