Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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