you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
