U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
