Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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