chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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