I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
