She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i've created a new STD.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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