I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
