I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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