I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
