I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
