shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
