Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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