We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am one with the molecules
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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