i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
