I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
