he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
