We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
