I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
