wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Found the puke drawer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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