On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
