I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
