I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
