ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
