oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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