yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
