At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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