be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
