Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
