There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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