it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
