fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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