Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
are you still at the devil's house?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
