I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
