oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
