I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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