Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
