Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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