he shaved USA in his pubs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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