We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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