He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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