ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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