fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
