oh god the rape fog is back!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
