Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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