Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
