Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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