Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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