i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
