i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
