Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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