Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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