shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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