Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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