Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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